What Will Happen Tomorrow

Behold the vision shown unto me by the Flying Spaghetti monster, all praise be to his noodly name!

Tomorrow, NASA (National Aeronautics and Space Administration) will unveil a major discovery about the red planet (Mars) to the world. Expectations are high; rivers of speculations are flowing from scientist and non-scientist alike. For the science inclined, excitement has gotten to frenzy. What can it possibly be? Has life been found on Mars? Is it water? A new element? What is it?

Tomorrow, our questions will all be answered. Meanwhile, somewhere in Nigeria tomorrow, a Pastopreneur while preparing his mid-week sermon for the sheeple of Christ will come across whatever NASA announces and will decide to reflect it in his sermon. He will tell the sheep of god’s fold how stupid white people are for trying to inquire into the perfect work of god (…I am yet to figure out why the average Nigerian believes only whiteMEN, Americans precisely, embark on discovery…please is Neil Tyson white?). He will remind the sheeple of how god teleported him to hell, heaven and round the cosmos; how god has shown him what NASA just discovered 5 years ago.

Continue reading “What Will Happen Tomorrow”


God Loves D’banj (and his music)

It happened in church today. You are most likely familiar (especially if you attend a Yoruba dominated church where the talking drum is employed in worship) with that moment when singing halts and the talking-drummer is allowed to roll-out and display his drumming skills with everybody digging it down ‘kon kon be lo…’ Such was the dance moment today; the lead singer screamed ‘Kabiyesi O!’ the church chorused ‘Eshe O!’ and as expected, the talking-drum rolled out beautifully.

talking drum

Now we all know the talking-drums talks; many a times it rolls-out melodies, but often times than not, those melodies are interjected with occasional proverbs and adages. I heard something familiar. At first I thought I was hallucinating, and then I look across the auditorium and saw two deranged teenagers acting out what I thought the drum said. They were ‘dance-slapping’ themselves.

The lead singer called again, ‘Kabiyesi O!’ we replied, ‘Eshe O!’ the talking-drummer rolled the same tune again. This time, two uncles behind me (probably forced to church by their wives) chorused the tune of the drum. With grotesque voices that need a servicing, they said;

‘eni to ba ta fele-fele, eni to ba she rada-rada

                   eni to ba ta fele-fele, rada-rada, wanran-wanran

                    eyin boys! Egba oju e! eyin boys! Egba oju e!’

This roughly translates as;

‘anyone that misbehaves, anyone that mis-yans

                   anyone way show himself, anyone way do anyhow

                   Boys! Slap him! Boys! Slap him! (Interpretation mine) Continue reading “God Loves D’banj (and his music)”